RICHMOND SUCK CITY!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've been pretty far behind in updating this, but JESUS GOD do I have a bunch of crazy shit to tell you guys about.

I'll start as far back as I can remember: a few days ago.

Richmond, Virginia was pretty much the shittiest experience any of us have had on any tour, and the shittiness of it was magnified by how awesome of a time we had the day before (playing in the ocean waves at Virginia Beach, drinking beers discreetly in the sun, and singing along to sweet Jimmy Buffet covers on the boardwalk). We were scheduled to play at this anarchist collective house in Richmond, which we figured would be great, judging by our political leanings and previous experiences at such places. Gee boy howdy, were we wrong.

We rolled up to the house and immediately noticed the huge mural painted on the front of the house that said "DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF ALL THE PEOPLE MURDERED BY THE STATE" and had a painting of a pig dressed like a cop getting beaten up by a bunch of people. Funny, yes (hell yes!), but indicative of the sort of venomous anger we were about to encounter from the people inside the house. The next few hours consisted of them laying down the strict rules of the house while we were under their roof, waxing philosophical about the best way to kick people's ass during the revolution (a sock full of broken glass or a boot with nails in it?), and members of the household running out the front door every five minutes to yell incoherently at every cop car that drove down the street. We then played a short acoustic set to two people that lived at the house in their living room. Apparently, even though we had been invited to play there, nobody bothered to tell anyone, or even wanted to have a show at the house. Yeah, it was a pretty intense couple of hours.

Here's where shit gets crazy.

Later that night, one of the members of the house invites us to go swimming in the river (hell yeah!). Katie, Kevin, myself, and 2 people from the house hop in the van and head down to the river. As we approach the river, a man sitting alone at the top of the hill angrily asks all of us for a cigarette. We pass him and head down to the water, where there is a shallow creek running into the bigger river. There is a large object in the middle of the shallow creek.

"Holy shit...is that a body?"

"No, no, it must just be some rocks..."

We ventured a bit closer...

"Oh my god, it's a fucking body! Call the 911!"

There, lying face down in the creek was the body of a woman. While Kevin called 911, I waded into the water to see if she was still breathing. As I got closer, it looked like she was breathing slightly, and suddenly, she rolled slightly to her side and breathed in a mouthful of water and air. After rolling her over to her back, loudly asking for her name and whether she was OK, we helped her up and determined that she was completely wasted, and couldn't remember how she ended up face down in the river. For sure, within a few more minutes she would have drowned if we hadn't stumbled across her.

Remember the dude who angrily asked us for a cigarette at the top of the hill? At about this time, he had made his way down to the sandy beach of the river and started yelling at both us and her.

"Aw, leave that bitch alone, she's just doin' it for attention! She always does this shit! Goddamnit bitch, now they're gonna think I tried to drown you in the river! Get the fuck over here and put on your shoes!"

After several minutes of yelling and confusion, we determined that they were, in fact, together, and both completely black out drunk. I got their names and address, under the guise that I might be able to give them a ride home, and went to talk quietly to our crew.

"Listen, I wanna call the cops. We don't know if this was an attempted rape or murder, or just a drunken night, but either way, this girl is in a terribly abusive relationship. We should make sure she's safe."

The anarchists eyed us angrily.

"We don't call the fucking cops for ANY reason."

"Um...okay, what are your other options?"

They stared at us blankly. Jesus.

Eventually, we made it back to the house where I discreetly called the cops, asking them to check in on the girl to make sure she was safe. The anarchists were pissed that they didn't get to go swimming, calling the two drunk people "just some Richmond white trash" and that "this shit happens all the time". A great excuse to not get involved. Talk about nihilism.

Needless to say, we woke up the next morning and GOT THE FUCK OUT OF TOWN!

Now, before I sign off, I want to be clear that this was the dregs of anarchism, a bunch of kids running around with a black and white view of how the world should work, and it doesn't necessarily represent that community as a whole. But good god, lemme tell ya, we were all pretty glad to get the heck outta Richmond!

Next up: more awesome stories from NOT sucky places! ALRIGHT!

- Rob